Just Rip It
Some things in life I can tolerate, others I simply can not and will not attempt to. And I am an extremely tolerable person so I feel I am qualified to make such a profound and moving statement. One of the things which regularly keeps me awake at night is the following: people who don’t dare rip wrapping-paper and instead prefer to carefully undo it without damaging it like some kind of bespoke packaging. If ever there was something to drive a man to the precipice of his sanity, I think you will soon agree it is THIS.
The infuriation I feel as I watch one of these careful-undoers in action is intense and can be likened, with no exaggeration, to the moment one realizes he / she is to come under the attack of a Great White Shark (I feel confident I can say such a thing: I have a friend who also hates careful-undoers and did come under the attack of a shark; the only way he survived was by channeling all the hatred towards this awful phenomenon through his fists, pummeling the sharks nose and making him think twice in the future I should hope.)
To begin with, in my early years, I put up with this. I simply sat and looked on as this heinous deed was perpetrated with secret-agent-like accuracy. But then, as I approached my fifties, something inside my head snapped. (You will understand the seriousness of this ‘snap’ and just what it meant if you have seen the really quite brilliant Michael Douglas film ‘Falling Down’.)
But along with the snap, which resulted in the end of a fifteen year friendship and lots of colourful language directed at yours truly, something great happened. It was this release which allowed me to sleep easier, and for me as a person to come in to my own.
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