Supermarket Accolade
Don’t get me wrong, PG Tips has its heart in the right place. It’s OK tea. It’s fine if you don’t know your tea. It’s the Coldplay of the tea world. But instead of samey pop-music with just enough edge to stir the bowels of the dead, it’s samey tea with just enough character to be recognized as Tea. But that’s all. Put it next to Tea legend Yorkshire Tea and it’s a bit like David and Goliath. Only in this story David gets his just deserves for being so arrogant as to think he can take on the man-mountain that is the big G.
I have no problem with people who love PG Tips, or supermarkets that sell it. But what I do have a problem with is blatant lying. I speak of this because last week I was in a supermarket and I happened to walk past a lady with a pram. Before her stood an employee of this popular supermarket which I won’t name—but begins with W and ends in Trose—proclaiming that PG Tips is “The greatest Tea in
I think you’ll understand when I say I had to step in and save this naïve young woman from certain death.
“Excuse me”, I said, “but that’s an outrageous lie”.
They both looked at me like people look at dogs who suddenly cock their leg in the street.
“–And you are?” said the man, as if trying to point out that I was a nameless individual, like 50% of all people walked about without names.
I braced myself, and calmed down. Too important a fight to stoop to his level.
“I–”, I said, trying to look sharp, “–am Sir Reginald Arthur the third of Lord Manor, London”. I don’t know where it came from (blame it on years of Soft skills training) but it certainly helped.
“So what is it?” said the young woman. She looked disturbed. But then, the employee had done his fair share of mind-warping, so it was to be expected.
I said “Well, I have a great deal of experience in tea matters, and I couldn’t let this lie be believed. Yorkshire Tea is the best, now Good Day to you both”.
Off I went. Ten minutes later I saw her at the counter with a box of the best tea ever. If I had to get banned to achieve such accolade, so be it.
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